Kumo, thanks for your honest and informative post.
Though I'm not part of this war, here are my two cents on this:
There's a big difference between what seems good for the game, and what each person wants for themselves.
Yes, wars are a important factor to this game but most alliances don't want to be in it...
the sad part is, that almost all wars in Illy are onesided, means one alliance has fun fighting it (usually the better prepared one declaring/provocing it), the other one doesn't and wants to keep harm from their cities (which equal a huge load of lifetime or even money).
Another aspect to all this wars is the forum... suddenly everyone is bending facts to near break (or sometimes far beyond), and most threads don't survive long until Luna has to go down on them because of RL politics (or insulting, as soon as discussion has reached a critical point). Yes, the discussions are fun at start, but tend to turn annoying pretty fast, as noone can rely on the parts of truth the other one believes in, not even the parts of truth people on your side believe in...
There had been attempts of forming war alliances, which BOTH declare to have fun in fighting... but they didn't work, as noone of the ones prepared for war actually wants to fight another person prepared for war... no easy targets, no forum slander, where's the fun?
So you'll end up with always one side celebrating it as free fun play in a sandbox (usually the attacker), and the other side complaining about bullying. This is one of the first times, when suddenly this swings round to the "war is fun" side to call it bullying, hampering their idea of the game... who is right?
This is a question without right or wrong... either way one side complains and wants aid for their cause... and mostly gets it.
There's a sharp line... H? did fight White for being aggresive => result: more peaceful server, less forum garbage.
Now many alliances fight NC for playing aggressive... is it the same? Is it another kind of aggressive? Would the restriction of NC by so many alliances result in a boring server, or is it necessary limits, an example for not annoying too many alliances at once?
As a third option: staying out of those wars... is it better, worse?
I don't have an universal answer to this, and I fear noone has. Everyone has unique ideas on it, and the discussions (disguised in huge load of propaganda) fill many many pages in this forums...
Good luck to anyone finding a good way... but in the end, it's nothing to be planned or predicted, and Illyriad so far did good, compared to other games...