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Vampire Jokes

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ajqtrz View Drop Down
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Joined: 24 May 2014
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ajqtrz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jan 2015 at 22:09
Hear Yea Hear yea!

We now have a contest for the Best Original Vampire Joke ever told in Illy!

Rule 1: The Joke Must Suck! (Of course)
Rule 2: The Joke May have Teeth in It (or a Biting Wit as a substitute).
Rule 3: Voting for the Best Vampire Joke in Illy will be strictly a straw pole.
Rule 4: The Joke may make your blood boil.

All Jokes will receive a nice rating:

A+ Rare and Bloody Well Funny
A- Not so Rare and Bloody Well Funny
AB  Sort of Bloody Well Funny
O  the standard and universal Vampire Joke rating for all other Vampire jokes.

And the winner will receive a nice pass to their local Blood Bank where they can make a withdrawal.

AJ

PS This contest from February 1 to Valentines day or course.  Good luck and let me know if you think really sucks in Vampire humor.

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Fiona View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Fiona Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Jan 2015 at 05:13
aj and Shul, you two crack me up. :D Thanks for the laugh. 
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Dungshoveleux View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Dungshoveleux Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Jan 2015 at 22:58
call the samaritans - you need help ;-)
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Shûl-nak View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Shûl-nak Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Jan 2015 at 20:25
Like aj, I have also dedicated my entire life to becoming that most famed and elusive creature, the 'funny guy.' So as a gesture of solidarity I will also contribute. Donations of gold and prestige to both aj and I are of course welcomed as an acknowledgement of our unparalleled comedic genius, but please keep laughter to a minimum throughout the thread. This is serious art.

How did the townsfolk deal with the vegetarian vampire?

They carotid him to death

Why are dwarven vampires so fat and rich?

Because they're always finding veins

What drink do dieting vampires take?

Sun-light

Why are groups of sleeping vampires so noisy?

Because of all the coffin

Why do vampires make such bad fielders?

They always want to bat


Edited by Shûl-nak - 24 Jan 2015 at 20:27
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ajqtrz View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ajqtrz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Jan 2015 at 15:56
Because I'm always tying to be a funny guy here are my vampire jokes.  Feel free to add your own.

Why do Vampires never fail to brush their teeth?

Nobody makes vampire dentures.

 

If they made vampire dentures what would they be made of?

Straw, of course.

 

What’s the greatest danger a Vampire with dentures encounters?

Blood clots.

 

If a vampire gets a blood clot what does he do?

Brush his teeth.


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