Siege is an Atrocity

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   Illy is a sandbox, and can be played however one wants.  I personally don't enjoy the "war" aspects all that much.  As long as people who like to war respect my choice not to engage in military action, y'all can siege each other all you want.  When players who like war attack other players who are not interested in war, that's spoiling someone else's fun.  Not saying this has happened, just that I hope it's not something that will be seen as acceptable.
In other words, please don't pee in the sandbox. (No reference to felines, female or otherwise, is intended.)

As to whether siege specifically is "too extreme," it's an interesting question.  I'd say the main problem with it is that defensive options are rather limited -- surely such an extreme result should be substantially harder to achieve.  Perhaps an option should be introduced for players to abandon and move cities with a caravan, which would preserve some or all research and liquid assets and actually more realistically reflect choices made during war.