Print Page | Close Window

Poem Help?

Printed From: Illyriad
Category: Miscellaneous
Forum Name: Fiction
Forum Description: Epics, Sagas, Unlikely Tales of Daring and Rip-roaring stories
URL: http://forum.illyriad.co.uk/forum_posts.asp?TID=1762
Printed Date: 17 Apr 2022 at 01:11
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com


Topic: Poem Help?
Posted By: Attila the Hun
Subject: Poem Help?
Date Posted: 09 Apr 2011 at 03:09
Help me  find some kinks in this poem please. I know the very last line has a kink in it, but if you have any idea son how to fix it it would be great.


This poem was for my alliance page:

Search you may for our home

you may try but you'll never get your goal

Though you may begin the quest, for'er you will roam

for this wonderland you call the swampland biome

 

 

We see you wandering through the night

we hear thou cry for help, but we keep at bay

later we enter a clearing, and see remains from a fight

we sing and dance, we act quite so gay as the night fades away

 

You may wonder why is it you, that suffered this..event so crude

Yes we danced, we made merry,  but take note

You should keep in mind, You and your companions were rude

We don't take of of it the swampland takes care of us, forever upon it we shall dote




-------------
It's just a game. :)



Replies:
Posted By: Gratch
Date Posted: 09 Apr 2011 at 03:10
Search you may for our home

you may try but to no avail

forever you may be left to roam

Ever following our misleading trail

 

We see you wandering through the night

we hear cries for help, but keep at bay

When lost and stranded we take to flight

to help you trespassers on your way


something should probably go in between those two...ugh i suck at poetry XD



Posted By: Kumomoto
Date Posted: 09 Apr 2011 at 21:28
Just so that the readers are clear (myself included), you are going to advertise on your alliance page that your alliance is known as a bunch of swamp dwellers who, when they hear innocents being slaughtered in the night, make sure to not go to their aid?

I've always admired your keen PR sense, ATH, but you now have elevated it to a new level! Bravo!



Posted By: Nokigon
Date Posted: 09 Apr 2011 at 21:33
Originally posted by Kumomoto Kumomoto wrote:

Just so that the readers are clear (myself included), you are going to advertise on your alliance page that your alliance is known as a bunch of swamp dwellers who, when they hear innocents being slaughtered in the night, make sure to not go to their aid?

I've always admired your keen PR sense, ATH, but you now have elevated it to a new level! Bravo!

Indeed. I think that he must mean that the people aren't innocents- attackers instead. Otherwise, WELL.


Posted By: Attila the Hun
Date Posted: 09 Apr 2011 at 22:56
they are intruders. and the land here is hostile. Research before you talk

-------------
It's just a game. :)


Posted By: Strategos
Date Posted: 10 Apr 2011 at 04:26
Moved

 - Strategos


-------------
Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis



Print Page | Close Window

Forum Software by Web Wiz Forums® version 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Copyright ©2001-2019 Web Wiz Ltd. - https://www.webwiz.net