Poem Help?
Printed From: Illyriad
Category: Miscellaneous
Forum Name: Fiction
Forum Description: Epics, Sagas, Unlikely Tales of Daring and Rip-roaring stories
URL: http://forum.illyriad.co.uk/forum_posts.asp?TID=1762
Printed Date: 17 Apr 2022 at 01:11
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.03 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Poem Help?
Posted By: Attila the Hun
Subject: Poem Help?
Date Posted: 09 Apr 2011 at 03:09
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Help me find some kinks in this poem please. I know the very last line has a kink in it, but if you have any idea son how to fix it it would be great. This poem was for my alliance page: Search you may for our home you may try but you'll never get your goal Though you may begin the quest, for'er you will roam for this wonderland you call the swampland biome
We see you wandering through the night we hear thou cry for help, but we keep at bay later we enter a clearing, and see remains from a fight we sing and dance, we act quite so gay as the night fades away
You may wonder why is it you, that suffered this..event so crude Yes we danced, we made merry, but take note You should keep in mind, You and your companions were rude We don't take of of it the swampland takes care of us, forever upon it we shall dote ------------- It's just a game. :) |
Replies:
Posted By: Gratch
Date Posted: 09 Apr 2011 at 03:10
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Search you may for our home
you may try but to no avail forever you may be left to roam Ever following our misleading trail
We see you wandering through the night we hear cries for help, but keep at bay When lost and stranded we take to flight to help you trespassers on your way something should probably go in between those two...ugh i suck at poetry XD |
Posted By: Kumomoto
Date Posted: 09 Apr 2011 at 21:28
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Just so that the readers are clear (myself included), you are going to advertise on your alliance page that your alliance is known as a bunch of swamp dwellers who, when they hear innocents being slaughtered in the night, make sure to not go to their aid? I've always admired your keen PR sense, ATH, but you now have elevated it to a new level! Bravo! |
Posted By: Nokigon
Date Posted: 09 Apr 2011 at 21:33
Indeed. I think that he must mean that the people aren't innocents- attackers instead. Otherwise, WELL.
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Kumomoto wrote:Posted By: Attila the Hun
Date Posted: 09 Apr 2011 at 22:56
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they are intruders. and the land here is hostile. Research before you talk
------------- It's just a game. :) |
Posted By: Strategos
Date Posted: 10 Apr 2011 at 04:26
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Moved - Strategos ------------- Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis |