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Kurfist View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Topic: Poetry/Prose/Proverbs
    Posted: 08 May 2011 at 19:29
Took awhile for me to read it,  good work harry.  When I pick up a book of poems in the future I can go "I knew that guy!".

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(EOM) Harry View Drop Down
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 May 2011 at 19:23
Hi guys, i know this thread died long ago, as i was busy with the book im writing but thought i might post a short Prose in here, like always, tell me what you think and what should be changed, kept, loved etc.
 
 

The Overbearing Darkness

      Sam walked through the rustic archway, Stepping softly as if to not wake a slumbering beast. His eyes moved sharply from the direction of the main doors to the side window at the end of the long driveway. Doors that were once used as gateways into another world of pristine and shinning décor, mixing with the allure of handsome young men with Omega watches and beautiful women draped over their arms. Only Sam was left in the splintered wooden doorframe now, the small window that Sam had considered against entering through barely held the remains of the once polished pane of glass with a splintered frame.

His ash black hair waved through the darkness as Sam picked up pace through the dilapidated grand hall, almost racing up the grand staircase, tripping on fallen roof tiles and large banister trimmings, yelping in pain as he clattered against the marble statue that loomed over the double staircase splitting the moonlight across the twin staircase, halving the nightlight and gloomy dark, straight down the double set of slightly curving staircase. Sprinting now, putting the searing pain in his left leg from smashing into the goliath looking man-statue on the landing out of his mind. Slowing in pace, the seventeen year old listened into the midnight sky, pressing his ear into the chill June breeze as if talking to a old loved one that was a little hard to understand. The sounds that bustled and squirmed around the tired and old Hengrove mansion, welcoming the darkness that was pushing through the cracks and creaks, slithering through old door frames and moss covered brickwork, all the sounds that should be in the house were there, all but the one sound he wanted to hear, although the darkness petrified him. The silence that stood around him, beat back his nerves and spurred him on, faster than he had ever ran. Running past the deathly picture of the mansions past owner, its eyes followed him down the long corridor as he passed two of the three locked closets and the main bathroom. Spinning on his heels, Sam approached the closed door to the final closet, this one was also locked but Sam had the key, pulling out his rusty set of master keys, Sam fondled the set with his sweaty fingers, searching for the right key, to end the living nightmare that was facing him just beyond this door.

“Please God Please” He shouted in a hoarse whisper, turning the lock, opening the door slowly wishing that there was in fact nothing in the closet but more empty bleak darkness.

But there wasn’t. She was there. In her dirty and deformed cot. Annabel led motionless  on top of  her sodden and wet bed. Quiet.

She was almost never quiet.
 
Sam stared at her dirty palms, tears streaking down his face, falling atop his collar and merging with the mud that laid across the rips in his shirt; he laid out his palm on top of hers. Having to grasp tightly in case his hand slipped from his daughters, as to stop the overbearing darkness taking away the last thing he held dear. Sam led beside the motionless baby and held her tight to his chest, still combing the short hair that had sprouted from her head not hours before. Sam went numb, stared at Annabel’s eyes, wishing, Hoping and Praying that Annabel would open her eyes.

 Annabel opened her eyes.

Sam snapped out of his cold trance and finally felt the warmth of his baby’s body, he had been so scared, so tired, so out of his depth;that he did not bother to look for signs of life, he immediately feared the worst but it wasn’t the worst, it was what he wished. Annabel was fine; they were cold, tired, hungry and without a home but Annabel was fine. Tomorrow Sam would find a job, give Annabel bought food and earn enough money to bring her out of the cold.

However until dawn broke through the splintered window, Sam would lie there with his child, because Annabel was all that he had left, but it was Annabel that he had ever needed.

 



Edited by (EOM) Harry - 08 May 2011 at 19:38
Fool's watch the land when the problem is in the heart.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 2011 at 18:29
Harry - check out this number - Very poetic and insightful imo. Its not something to contend with but it may inspire you, or you may at the very least appreciate it.

Song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bz6Jr6bz1Wo

Lyrics:
http://www.songonlyrics.com/iron-wine-rabbit-will-run-lyrics

Hope you enjoy.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 2011 at 10:48
Ah, I liked the idea so I made a quick poem.

Fires in the deep

There is a fire in the deep

Children scream and flee

Women stand and weep.

 

The fire rages strong

Hate stands around

Life is just wrong.

 

Where is Joy?

Hope is gone like a light

Thrown away like a toy.

 

The people are held with chains

Nothing can stop their pain

Despair reigns.

 

But the light still burns.

Nothing can stop humanity

That’s what I’ve learnt.

 

The spark of rebellion lights

Plans are made in the dark

We’ve won the will to fight

 

The people charge and rebel

The enemy are thrown down

And then gone, like a spell

 

 

So no matter what they say,

Let this be a lesson to you

The Brits are here to stay!

 

 

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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 2011 at 10:16
Thankyou all for your kind words and constructive critisism's i probably will update this thread ( if you want me too) every few days, so keep your eyes posted :)
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 2011 at 07:56
I think, EOM, that you are drowning in criticism. Personally, I disagree with everything you have posted (minus the poem itself). It's not rubbish, it's a good poem and I like it.
I agree with Strategos- keep it up and experiment with different styles- limericks, I don't know anything about poetry but oh well, etc.
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 2011 at 02:06
Some general tips: use words and phrases whose tone reinforces your intended combination of meaning and context.  Also, avoid adjectives.  Try instead to use colorful/explicit nouns and especially verbs.  In everyday speech 'is' and 'do' are our champions of easy, lazy speech, but strong verbs are the ultimate grammatical spice.

Aside from a regular dictionary and thesaurus, I also find http://www.rhymezone.com/ quite useful.

Finally, avoid bad font clashes.  I.e. never use Comic Sans unless you're writing a webcomic.  That is the only use that isn't vulgar and doesn't clash with the content.  Even if you think your using Comic Sans "ironically," your use will come off about as ironic as a cheesy low-budget action film with 12 blunt (un-subtle) applications of the Wilhelm screem--it's just garish.  Don't use Trajan either.  Don't use any font with serifs for short-line poetry.  Unless you're a typeface connoisseur, just stick with Arial or Helvetica--the former for web media because it's most widely supported.

Edited by HonoredMule - 05 Mar 2011 at 14:14
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 2011 at 01:59

Strategos, old chum, I don't believe you understand the joke I was referring too. There's a book on this.

It's just a game. :)
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 2011 at 01:48
I think he's probably quite satisfied being named Harry Bush.

Lovely poem though, you should keep it up, experiment with different styles etc, have some fun with it.
Postatem obscuri lateris nescitis
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Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Mar 2011 at 01:43
Originally posted by (EOM) Harry (EOM) Harry wrote:

Iv'e been wanting to try some writing for a while and see if its up to scratch, i've always loved to write but now im want to take it a little more seriously, i hope you guys can have a look at the things i put on here and give me any review, all are welcome (Except hate mail, i dont want to cry) However if you guys really do hate it i wont post and we can forget this ever happened. Thankyou in advance for your time reading, analysing and reviewing my writing ( note: most pieces are in is infancy and have still not reached anywhere near final draft.)
 
Thanks,
(EOM) Harry
 
 

The tiresome lover

 

The breath of my love rests on my neck.

 I can remember the way it felt, to be ripped apart by a sentence or two

To have the soul, dismantled, dissected and displayed, like a necklace made of trinkets and copper.

 

The whimsical way you took my words and turned them

Into a rainbow of pain and suffering

Each colour of doubt you had in me

Has never been proven

But still rests on your lips

Ready to use

To manipulate

To kill

My unsuspecting dreams of a happy life

 

I realise now

I am wrong

We can never be,

When you are here,

In our love.

     

 
 
 
Only as a procaution because TD said it was a good idea but
 
 (C) Copyright. All rights are reserved by the author (Harry Bush), please contact me if you wish to use them as all my work is backlogged on computers with date stanps, Thankyou :)
 
 
Comment reading descrtetion is advised :
 
heheh if his name was richard he could be dick bush.Tongue
It's just a game. :)
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