Poetry/Prose/Proverbs

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   EOM - You should clearly mark all of your original works with a Copyright and note your reserve all rights.

Consider making this part of your forum signature if you intend to post many of these.

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The_Dude Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Postmaster General Joined: 06 Apr 2010 Location: Texas Status: Offline Points: 2396	Posted: 04 Mar 2011 at 23:17
	EOM - You should clearly mark all of your original works with a Copyright and note your reserve all rights. Consider making this part of your forum signature if you intend to post many of these.

(EOM) Harry Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Forum Warrior Joined: 06 Oct 2010 Status: Offline Points: 283	Posted: 04 Mar 2011 at 22:57
	Thankyou muchly, i may change that, i couldnt think of anything else at the time, it is rather cliche but untill i can use emotional language to satisfy the imagery il leave it at that :) thankyou ever so much :)

Tordenkaffen Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Postmaster Joined: 16 Oct 2010 Location: Denmark Status: Offline Points: 821	Posted: 04 Mar 2011 at 22:52
	Very elegantly written Harry - its difficult writing introvert emotional poetry and still convey a successful message but I actually think you pull it off pretty well. Also I like that the poem is brief - if it was very long, the "state of mind" would have been clouded in descriptive words. Now as I told you Im no expert on poetry by any standard, but one "objection" I do have with this particular poem. -"Into a rainbow of pain and suffering" - The part about pain and suffering seems a bit over-used - the image has a flatness to it being a bit too "classic". I think a good analogy or image would cover your meaning a little better. Also on a very subjective, and rather unclear note - the ending puzzles me, I am unsure what it is you want me to take away from this poem. It seems to me a little indecisive - meh difficult to explain really, maybe I just instictively have a prejudicial reaction when the poem ends with "love". Other than that, you have a nack for expressing yourself through writing, I recommend you pursue this. Good job!

(EOM) Harry Members Profile Send Private Message Find Members Posts Add to Buddy List Forum Warrior Joined: 06 Oct 2010 Status: Offline Points: 283	Posted: 04 Mar 2011 at 22:37
	Iv'e been wanting to try some writing for a while and see if its up to scratch, i've always loved to write but now im want to take it a little more seriously, i hope you guys can have a look at the things i put on here and give me any review, all are welcome (Except hate mail, i dont want to cry) However if you guys really do hate it i wont post and we can forget this ever happened. Thankyou in advance for your time reading, analysing and reviewing my writing ( note: most pieces are in is infancy and have still not reached anywhere near final draft.) Thanks, (EOM) Harry The tiresome lover The breath of my love rests on my neck. I can remember the way it felt, to be ripped apart by a sentence or two To have the soul, dismantled, dissected and displayed, like a necklace made of trinkets and copper. The whimsical way you took my words and turned them Into a rainbow of pain and suffering Each colour of doubt you had in me Has never been proven But still rests on your lips Ready to use To manipulate To kill My unsuspecting dreams of a happy life I realise now I am wrong We can never be, When you are here, In our love. Only as a procaution because TD said it was a good idea but (C) Copyright. All rights are reserved by the author (Harry Bush), please contact me if you wish to use them as all my work is backlogged on computers with date stanps, Thankyou :) Edited by (EOM) Harry - 04 Mar 2011 at 23:23