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Kumomoto 
Postmaster General
Joined: 19 Oct 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 2224
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 Posted: 05 Mar 2011 at 00:34 |
I like it as well... but agree with Tor... is it a rainbow of doubt or pain and suffering?
My advice (not that I'm any sort of expert on poetry) is to always in poetry try to take the verbally straightest path to what you mean. And try to make the descriptions accurate to the point of raw. So if your lovers' words hurt, for example... how? like a case of pancreatitis, as if you lopped off the end of your finger, the way the pain felt when you had a root canal, cracking your forehead on the corner of a table?... I'm exaggerating, but seriously, use your real life experience as a barometer to create analogies that can give you clarity on what you are trying to express... Odds are other people have had similar experiences and will relate to what you are writing... You don't have to say "your words made me feel like I was having an appendectomy"... (although that has a certain kitsch). But if the pain you felt is similar, then thinking about that relative experience while you choose your description may help you find a clarity that will convey to the reader...
Just my 2 cents...
K.
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(EOM) Harry
Forum Warrior
Joined: 06 Oct 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 283
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Posted: 04 Mar 2011 at 23:59 |
 The_Dude wrote:
Tordenkaffen wrote:
Not to be a wiseguy, but is all this really necessary? Harry isnt a professional writer quite yet and just asks for feedback, and while I admit there being legal issues with posting publicly, I just find it very unlikely that anyone would lay claim to the initial "test-balloons" that Harry send up. I mean, a book of poetry takes years of work, with many stages of refinement etc. Harry is pretty open with this being his first stabs at it, so I dont see the vast potential for profiting on his work, not yet at least (no offense to Harry of course). |
On chat, EOM said he intended to publish his work. I did not know he was a "just a kid" but that doesn't alter any legal claims he or others might claim. But, hey, it's not my stuff so 'nuf said. :) |
No worries TD i am only a teen but i know where to send my good stuff and experimental stuff and its just a way of picking lines, expressions and imagery that i may recycle into something thats better or meatier :) Thanks for the help though, i really appreciate you taking the time to post and help me out on the legal side :)
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The_Dude
Postmaster General
Joined: 06 Apr 2010
Location: Texas
Status: Offline
Points: 2396
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Posted: 04 Mar 2011 at 23:57 |
Tordenkaffen wrote:
Not to be a wiseguy, but is all this really necessary? Harry isnt a professional writer quite yet and just asks for feedback, and while I admit there being legal issues with posting publicly, I just find it very unlikely that anyone would lay claim to the initial "test-balloons" that Harry send up. I mean, a book of poetry takes years of work, with many stages of refinement etc. Harry is pretty open with this being his first stabs at it, so I dont see the vast potential for profiting on his work, not yet at least (no offense to Harry of course). |
On chat, EOM said he intended to publish his work. I did not know he was a "just a kid" but that doesn't alter any legal claims he or others might claim. But, hey, it's not my stuff so 'nuf said. :)
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(EOM) Harry
Forum Warrior
Joined: 06 Oct 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 283
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Posted: 04 Mar 2011 at 23:45 |
Tordenkaffen wrote:
Not to be a wiseguy, but is all this really necessary? Harry isnt a professional writer quite yet and just asks for feedback, and while I admit there being legal issues with posting publicly, I just find it very unlikely that anyone would lay claim to the initial "test-balloons" that Harry send up. I mean, a book of poetry takes years of work, with many stages of refinement etc. Harry is pretty open with this being his first stabs at it, so I dont see the vast potential for profiting on his work, not yet at least (no offense to Harry of course). |
None taken mate, its pretty crap anyway :)
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Tordenkaffen
Postmaster
Joined: 16 Oct 2010
Location: Denmark
Status: Offline
Points: 821
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Posted: 04 Mar 2011 at 23:43 |
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Not to be a wiseguy, but is all this really necessary? Harry isnt a professional writer quite yet and just asks for feedback, and while I admit there being legal issues with posting publicly, I just find it very unlikely that anyone would lay claim to the initial "test-balloons" that Harry send up. I mean, a book of poetry takes years of work, with many stages of refinement etc. Harry is pretty open with this being his first stabs at it, so I dont see the vast potential for profiting on his work, not yet at least (no offense to Harry of course).
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(EOM) Harry
Forum Warrior
Joined: 06 Oct 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 283
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Posted: 04 Mar 2011 at 23:39 |
The_Dude wrote:
Much better, EOM. No need to bold the copyright stuff, tho. Another thought entered my head...This being a public forum, you are effectively publishing your material here. If you wish for this or any other works to be published by another publisher, you are jeopardizing that process by publishing here ... most publishers are only interested in being the original publisher unless they acquire rights to established works.
I strongly advise that you consider requesting comments via mail only to avoid the publication issues. But you should ALWAYS mark your original works with the copyright claims. This is the first, easiest method for laying claim to your intellectual property.
EOM, I strongly recommend that you consult with an intellectual property attorney. At a minimum, attend a writer's conference that offers a seminar on this topic.
Disclaimer: No attorney/client relationship has been established between myself and EOM. |
Alright TD but im just a kid, its a pretty crappy piece of work and its just a hobby off mine, ppkus my main work is much different and better so i think il only be posting ideas and scrappings in poem form on here :)
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The_Dude
Postmaster General
Joined: 06 Apr 2010
Location: Texas
Status: Offline
Points: 2396
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Posted: 04 Mar 2011 at 23:33 |
Much better, EOM. No need to bold the copyright stuff, tho. Another thought entered my head...This being a public forum, you are effectively publishing your material here. If you wish for this or any other works to be published by another publisher, you are jeopardizing that process by publishing here ... most publishers are only interested in being the original publisher unless they acquire rights to established works.
I strongly advise that you consider requesting comments via mail only to avoid the publication issues. But you should ALWAYS mark your original works with the copyright claims. This is the first, easiest method for laying claim to your intellectual property.
EOM, I strongly recommend that you consult with an intellectual property attorney. At a minimum, attend a writer's conference that offers a seminar on this topic.
Disclaimer: No attorney/client relationship has been established between myself and EOM.
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(EOM) Harry
Forum Warrior
Joined: 06 Oct 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 283
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Posted: 04 Mar 2011 at 23:26 |
The_Dude wrote:
Also, EOM, you need to check the Forum T+C which might lay a superior copyright claim to all postings herein.
(c) is recognized in the USA. "All rights reserved by author." helps. The absence of your legal name presents another problem, tho.
Frankly, from a legal perspective, this is a bad idea for this forum. :( |
Ive updated my original post, would that make it any better?
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The_Dude
Postmaster General
Joined: 06 Apr 2010
Location: Texas
Status: Offline
Points: 2396
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Posted: 04 Mar 2011 at 23:21 |
Also, EOM, you need to check the Forum T+C which might lay a superior copyright claim to all postings herein.
(c) is recognized in the USA. "All rights reserved by author." helps. The absence of your legal name presents another problem, tho.
Frankly, from a legal perspective, this is a bad idea for this forum. :(
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(EOM) Harry
Forum Warrior
Joined: 06 Oct 2010
Status: Offline
Points: 283
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Posted: 04 Mar 2011 at 23:18 |
The_Dude wrote:
EOM - You should clearly mark all of your original works with a Copyright and note your reserve all rights.
Consider making this part of your forum signature if you intend to post many of these. |
I doubt its any good anyway TD, and if i were too, how would i do it?
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Poetry/Prose/Proverbs