The Travellers' Tale - I is for Illyria

I is for Illyria

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Category: Miscellaneous
Forum Name: The Travellers' Tale
Forum Description: Forum for Illyriad-related original literature & artwork.
URL: http://forum.illyriad.co.uk/forum_posts.asp?TID=5150
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Topic: I is for Illyria

Posted By: Argrak
Subject: I is for Illyria
Date Posted: 17 Jun 2013 at 08:11

Just a little rhyme that's been floating around with the orclings for a while. I though I'd put it up here in the interest of cultural exchange, and possibly even entertainment or educational value.

A is for Armies, how your troops move and fight.

It takes weeks or months to build them up right

B is for Beer, to make your best unit.

If you you want to recruit them, you best start to brewin’ it

C is for Commanders, you can have up to five

They lead all your armies, so keep them alive!

D is for dwarfs, scrappy but small.

Though they say that everyone else is too tall.

E is for Elves, smug, arrogant dastards.

Though some folks get upset if you just kill the bastards.

F is for Fighting, what every Orc craves.

The best way to prove you are smart, strong, and brave.

G is for Goblins, sneaky and sly.

A wise Orc will send them to scout and to spy.

H is for Humans, who ride very fast.

They kept all their slaves, though the Always Chiefs asked.

I is for Illyria, made made by the ‘Chiefs

Where Orcs, Elves, Dwarves, and Men fight to settle their beefs.

J is for Jousting, a good way to train.

It’s great for your lance arm, but hard on your brain.

K is for Kobolds, there’s no spearman finer.

Just train by the hundreds and send to the grinder.

L is for Land, the Sovereignty you own.

Build structures for bonuses that help you to pwn.

M is for Malek, leader of BANE.

If I don’t put him in here, then he will complain.

N is for Newbs, best to leave them alone,

(‘Til they’ve got stuff worth stealing, and meat on their bones).

O is for Orcs, the most fearsome of races.

The others go pale from one look at our faces!

P is for Prestige, you get one every day.

Use it wisely (or buy some) to speed you on your way.

Q is for Queuing soldiers to make.

Pay attention, you don’t want to make a mistake.

R is for Resources, wood clay stone and ore.

If the numbers aren’t red, then you probably need more.

S is for Siege engines, bring 30 (or more)

You can’t bash in their heads ‘til you bash down the door.

T is for Taxes, that’s how you get gold.

Make sure they stay low ‘til your settlement’s old.

U is for Urgurt, who know just what to say.

“If you want to defeat them, you will find a way!”

V is for Verity, the truth of the Flame

Ask them about Sigurd, and they will explain.

W is for Wulpus, the great wolves we ride

We orcs are glad to have them on our side.

X is for Xcrix, it looks like a cut-through

But if you go in there, the Spiders will eat you.

Y is for Yuraquncha, who don’t know their Gods.

Now Tallians fight Oracles, and they are at odds.

Z is for Zerans, who watch in the night.

With armies and towers and no one to fight.

Replies:

Posted By: Ashtar
Date Posted: 17 Jun 2013 at 08:17

While this is most entertaining, i would say the same thing you said to me about my handbook Argrak. While i did change Orcs to Elves in the following statement - the rest of the words are yours Big smile

Though perhaps entertaining in some circles, I find this document perpetuates false and wrongheaded stereotypes about Elves. I hope you don't mean to disseminate it or try to pass it off as earnest advice, and I would thank you in the future to not find your amusement at the expense of my race.

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Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. -
Buddha

Posted By: Argrak
Date Posted: 17 Jun 2013 at 08:56

Wow, what are the odds of that?

You have my assurance that I won't try to pass this off as any more than a child's rhyme. There. Am I happy?

Posted By: Ashtar
Date Posted: 17 Jun 2013 at 09:00

I have no idea if you are happy or not :)

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Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. -
Buddha

Posted By: Rill
Date Posted: 17 Jun 2013 at 09:59

An orc and a poet too ... who woulda thunk?

Well done Argrak!

/me applauds and toasts the poet lorcqueate of Illy.

Posted By: Aral
Date Posted: 17 Jun 2013 at 19:00

Now for the political version:

A is for Absa, who started a war,

That involved alliances both near and far.

B is for the illustrious Black Skull Horde,

Despite their need to spell out every word.

C is for Crowfed, of which we will hear more,

They're flying so high their wings don't touch the floor.

D is for Diplomacy, which ~NC~ abhors,

Maybe that's why they're in so many wars.

E is for Epidemic, a bit of a fool,

The sole enforcer of the 10.05 square rule.

F is for Fairy, who build many roads,

Perhaps they're getting bonuses of which no one else knows.

G is for GMs, who pull all the strings,

The Broken Lands will be out "Soon" by the look of these things.

H is for Harmless?, with armies so small,

You wonder how they're still an alliance at all.

I is for Insane, which II sure is,

You can hear their heads crackle and fizz.

J is for Jude, who may be a saint,

The general consensus is he probably ain't.

K is for Kcrow, part of the crowfed,

Not so "Kaendran" as we might be led.

L is for Lasting, which peace never is,

War is what tells us who dies and who lives.

M is for MicroMe, allianceless is she,

Although she's kinda allied with everybody.

N is for nCrow, another Crow claim,

To me their names sometimes all look the same.

O is for OCON, the order of consequence,

Strong in word they were, but not in self-defense.

P is for Passive, the way Illy fights,

We need much less whining, and many more knights,

Q is for Q&S, and alliance of elves,

With the new "orc handbook" they can look out for themselves.

R is for RES, led by the dude,

Fond of white russians, and awfully shrewd.

S is for Snuggler Crows, the bane of gc

Except on April Fools, when silenced they'll be

T is for Toothless?, what can I say?

When it comes to newb training, they have it their way.

U is for Unusual, the odd or the strange,

Such as casting blights far out of their range.

V is for VIC, the proud and the glorious,

Though when it came fighting H? they weren't very VIC-torious.

W is for War, both brutal and deft,

Separating out who is right and who's left.

X is for explain, which I might have to do,

The things starting with "X" are too far and too few.

Y is for yelling, which bigshots do in GC,

I'm just glad they're not yelling at me.

Z is for zCrow, which is yet to come live,

Maybe the Crowfed will make it when they've got twenty-five.

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Aral Llc is not responsible for any grievous bodily harm sustained while reading this signature. No rights reserved.

Posted By: Rill
Date Posted: 18 Jun 2013 at 02:46

I think you left out ...

S is for Snuggler Crows, the bane of gc

Except on April Fools, when silenced they'll be

well done Aral!

Posted By: Ander
Date Posted: 18 Jun 2013 at 15:29

Wonderful lines Aral!

Posted By: Aral
Date Posted: 19 Jun 2013 at 04:18

Oh dear, I did forget "S" didn't I? Whoops, thanks rill.

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Aral Llc is not responsible for any grievous bodily harm sustained while reading this signature. No rights reserved.

Posted By: Ashtar
Date Posted: 19 Jun 2013 at 10:49

Hmm - I prefer

T is for TCOL, all Mal Matshan borne

With our Allies, The Dominion we form

Just a suggestion :) but i will say i love this version :) Nice job Aral

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Do not believe what your teacher tells you merely out of respect for the teacher. -
Buddha