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Epidemic 
Postmaster
Joined: 03 Nov 2012
Location: USA
Status: Offline
Points: 773
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 Topic: True story!
Posted: 21 Feb 2013 at 19:31 |
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An orc captain was marching his entire army to attack a dwarf outpost, they were passing an old abandoned town when they heard a voice
within the ancient town's walls: "One Dwarf is better than ten orc
soldiers!" The captain was enraged and immediatly sent ten of his best
troops over the walls while the remainder of the company waited outside. Then
came the sound of a terriffic fight going on, soon all was quiet. Then the voice
spoke again: "One Dwarf is better than a hundred orc
soldiers!" Well, the captain sent one hundred of his best men over the walls.
Soon came the sounds of fight and then silence. The voice spoke up again:
"One Dwarf is better than a thousand orc soldiers!" The
captain was furious. He immediately sent the remainder of his troops over the
walls save only himself. There came the sound of a fierce battle, and then
silence followed by the sound of a dwarf laughing. Finally, one lone orc
stumbled back from the battle and collapsed at the captains feet. "Speak!
What happened?" asked the captain. The soldier replied with his last breath.
"It....was..a trap..there's...TWO...of...them..."
Edited by Epidemic - 21 Feb 2013 at 20:55
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Epidemic
Postmaster
Joined: 03 Nov 2012
Location: USA
Status: Offline
Points: 773
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Posted: 27 Apr 2013 at 07:03 |
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An orc, human, elf, and dwarf walk into a tavern. They each order an ale. As the bartender sets down their drinks, a fly lands in each of them. The orc drinks it regardless. The human picks the fly out of the drink, flicks it away and drinks the ale. The elf pushes his drink away in disgust. The dwarf picks the fly up by it's wings and says "Spit it out ye bastard!"
Edited by Epidemic - 27 Apr 2013 at 17:54
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Aral
Forum Warrior
Joined: 20 Sep 2012
Status: Offline
Points: 205
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Posted: 27 Apr 2013 at 07:05 |
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If I weren't so short of breath from laughing right now, I'd congratulate you for being at the height of dwarven humor.
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Aral Llc is not responsible for any grievous bodily harm sustained while reading this signature. No rights reserved.
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Machete
Wordsmith
Joined: 15 Jun 2012
Location: Koz
Status: Offline
Points: 172
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Posted: 27 Apr 2013 at 16:44 |
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lmao
very good Epi!!
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Kumomoto
Postmaster General
Joined: 19 Oct 2009
Status: Offline
Points: 2224
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Posted: 27 Apr 2013 at 18:31 |
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Lmao!
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Samalander
New Poster
Joined: 24 Dec 2012
Location: oregon
Status: Offline
Points: 39
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Posted: 28 Apr 2013 at 06:01 |
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Second was great first just variation of marines and polish army from early 70's.
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Epidemic
Postmaster
Joined: 03 Nov 2012
Location: USA
Status: Offline
Points: 773
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Posted: 28 Apr 2013 at 07:25 |
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A dwarf, elf and orc were shipwrecked on a deserted island. There they find a forgotten temple. They make their way to the alteroom where they find a magical ring of wishes.
The dwarf grabs the ring and says "Great! Now I can get home! I wish I was back in the tavern at home surrounded by ale"!
*poof* he's gone!
The elf grabs the ring and says "Finally, I can go home! I wish I was in the tree city, trading tales with the finest poets of our age!"
*poof* he's gone!
The orc picks up the ring and says "I'm lonely now. I wish the other two guys were back here."
*poof*...
Edited by Epidemic - 04 May 2013 at 04:30
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Gossip Boy
Forum Warrior
Joined: 03 Oct 2011
Status: Offline
Points: 259
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Posted: 28 Apr 2013 at 07:32 |
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Replace dwarf by human in the first two stories and I completely agree.
Shorties are no good for fighting, they are just grumpy old meanies :P
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Elessar2
[08:34]<Rill> when you've just had part of your brain taken out, you lack a certain amount of credibility
<KillerPoodle> I can say anything I like and it is impossible to prove or disprove
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isabela
New Poster
Joined: 25 Jan 2013
Location: Newburgh Ny
Status: Offline
Points: 8
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Posted: 28 Apr 2013 at 07:33 |
An elf, a human and a dwarf are on a boat. Out of nowhere the human pulls out a barrel longland beer and throws it overboard. The elf and the dwarf ask the human why. The human responds "Back in my hometown, there are stockpiles full of the stuff. It is no loss." The elf and the dwarf look at each other. The elf then takes a bin of pig tail cloth out of its cloak and throws it overboard saying "we elves have so much cloth. Our stockpiles are overflowing." The dwarf strokes its beard in thought. It then says, "I know what we have too much of." and throws the elf off the boat. 
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http://elgea.illyriad.co.uk/a/b/75703/av.jpg
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dspn23
Forum Warrior
Joined: 02 Jun 2011
Status: Offline
Points: 213
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Posted: 01 May 2013 at 21:48 |
 isabela wrote:
An elf, a human and a dwarf are on a boat. Out of nowhere the human pulls out a barrel longland beer and throws it overboard. The elf and the dwarf ask the human why. The human responds "Back in my hometown, there are stockpiles full of the stuff. It is no loss." The elf and the dwarf look at each other. The elf then takes a bin of pig tail cloth out of its cloak and throws it overboard saying "we elves have so much cloth. Our stockpiles are overflowing." The dwarf strokes its beard in thought. It then says, "I know what we have too much of." and throws the elf off the boat. |
starts reading, realizes there's no mention to any orc, stops reading :P
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True story!